The No Juice Podcast
Parker and Dan discuss (mostly) Minnesota sports, life, their personal brands and answer twitter questions.







November 2017
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This episode:

Dad talk

Twins lamenting


Direct download: Whenever_We_Feel_Like_It.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:11am CST

We're back. Sad times in Minneapolis got us back together. We spent an hour and a half talking about Prince and the rest of the time finding out how come the Twins suck. 

Direct download: 2_hours_mostly_Prince_talk._.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:29pm CST

We vented about the Vikings loss to the Packers and the bleak outlook for the next few weeks. Wolves and a little Gopher Bball talk too.

Direct download: Vikings_Misery.mp3
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:57am CST

We discussed the Twins early offseason moves.

Nadine Babu joined to talk about the turmoil in Dinkytown.

We may have touched on the Vikings and the Wolves. Maybe not. Enjoy.

Direct download: ep_75.mp3
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:48am CST

Topics covered here:

Gopher Football


World Series

KAT Timestamps

St. Louis


Direct download: NJP.mp3
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:39pm CST

Parker interviewed Terry Ryan again and we broke it down. We also talked about the sad passing of Flip Saunders and about how cancer can go fuck itself. Twins, Vikings, some Wolves talk. Then we broke down the 2010 NFC Championship game again for some terrible reason. Remember that one bad throw?

Direct download: Vikings_Should_Be_5-1.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 9:43pm CST

Parker and Dan broke down the playoffs, talked about Parker's next interview with Terry Ryan, and discussed when and where to BYOB. 

Direct download: Playoffs_Bat_Flips_and_the_Offseason.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 7:04am CST

The guys review the Twins season and give out their team awards. They look toward the future with a few tips for next year. Some Vikings and movie talk as well. 

Direct download: The_End.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 11:24pm CST

Parker & Dan celebrated their 69th show a week later. There was a review of the Twins Daily pub crawl, mostly because Parker didn't remember it. Twins, Vikings, more weddings, and...was Yogi Berra really a secret hooker murderer? Probably not but listen to find out for sure. 

Direct download: Last20Week20of20the20Season.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 9:58am CST

Twins beat writer and Mayor of Alary's Lavelle Neal III joined to talk about the Twins playoff chances. We also previewed the NFC North. Short version: Packers, everyone else. Thanks to LaVelle for letting us chat with him at his favorite local bar. 

Direct download: LaVelle.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:41pm CST

Somehow, the Twins are still in the race for something and Parker & Dan talked about it. There was a Gopher football preview, some bar talk, and a tangent or two. 

Direct download: Theyre_Still_in_This_Thing.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:43am CST

Dan reviews the Foo Fighters concert. The guys interviewed St. Paul Saints asst. GM Scott Bush. Dan pretended to be a GM. 

Direct download: The_Fall_Guys.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:32am CST

Do the Twins have any interest in actually making the postseason? Why can't their best prospect crack this lineup? Is it OK to got to a movie by yourself? Find out the answers in an all new episode of Dan & Parker Fun Time Adventure. 

Direct download: Why_Cant_Buxton_Play.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:45am CST

With the Twins circling the drain, Dan & Parker reunited for the first time this month to complain about things again. Other topics:

Bachelor party golf etiquette

The Gopher athletic dept. fiasco

High school transfer rules

Direct download: The_Downward_Spiral.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:49am CST

Parker & Dan talked about potential trades and whether or not this is the beginning of the end for the Twins. Parker went to Mankato so we talked about how Teddy is lookin. 

Direct download: Trade_Deadline.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:45am CST

Star Tribune Vikings beat writer Master Tesfatsion joined us to talk sports and drinking. Topics include:

National Senior Games

MLB All-Star Game


Vikings fans

Tons of drinking questions

Fun episode to record. Thanks to Master. We hope he'll join again. 

Direct download: Master_Tesfatsion.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:08am CST

With the 4th of July in the rearview mirror, Parker & Dan got together to break down:


The trade deadline

OJ Simpson


A bunch of other stuff

Listen here, won't you....

Direct download: Sano_Day.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 11:14pm CST

Local hero Aaron Gleeman makes his triumphant return to the podcast to talk about baseball. A conversation about Brian Dozier and Byron Buxton devolved into a spirited defense of cargo shorts and tank tops and lots of other tangents. Happy 4th of July, uurbody. 

Direct download: Gleeman_2.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:39am CST

Live from Chanhappenin....

Buxton's first week

That hideous Vikings stadium


Father's Day


Swear words

Baseball card reminiscing

Direct download: Buxtons_first_week_some_s_some_-s._.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 10:22pm CST

The guys got together and broke down tape on Byron Buxton's debut and concluded that he's a freak, he's the fastest kid alive. Other topics:

Lebron's dong

Is 37 < 57? 

How much do high school kids know? 

Jake's in Coates

Music kinda

Direct download: Byron_Buxtons_Debut.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 10:35pm CST

The guys made a trip to Target Field to talk with Twins official scorekeeper Stew Thornley. Some topics:

Are errors a worthwhile statistic?

Can the Twins keep it up?

St. Paul Saints and Minneapolis Millers history.

Can a gynocologist be a good scorekeeper?


Very interesting guy. Give it a listen. 

Direct download: Stew_Thornley.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 8:12pm CST

After a week off, Parker & Dan got together to talk about the first place Twins. Other topics:

Terry Ryan

NBA Finals

road trip vomit stories

Direct download: Setting_the_Playoff_Rotation.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:05am CST

Dan comes up with an idea for all you can drink beer at Target Field. Some Twins talk, TV talk, alcohol talk. It's all here. 

Direct download: Free_Beer.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:36am CST

Parker takes the family to a donut shop. Dan analyzes a problem. The Twins play a baseball game. 

Direct download: Mothers_Day.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 7:24am CST

Parker & Dan recapped the NFL (yawn) draft. Parker became an expert over the weekend because he saw Draft Day. Hot takes aplenty. Are the Twins OK? Dan hopes not. Which former Twin is most like Han Solo? Find out here. 


Direct download: NFL_Draft_recap._Twins_are_OK._.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 4:49pm CST

We went to JL Beers with Twins beat reporter Rhett Bollinger to talk about the Twins, Parker ruining a Seattle woman's life and how to effectively hide coke and molly.

Direct download: Sundays_with_Rhett_vol._2.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:17pm CST

Dan & Parker celebrated NJP's first birthday by talking about a promising homestand for the Twins, Tinder's endgame, Varsity Blues Fan Fiction, and hockey.

Direct download: 1_Year_Anniversary_Show.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:36am CST

Parker & Dan got depressed talking about the Twins so they talked about hockey like always. 

Direct download: Twins_Season_Week_1_Yuk.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 10:08pm CST

The Twins season kicks off this week and is already a glorious mess. Parker & Dan readjusted their expectations after the Ervin Santana suspension. Some basketball, some strip clubs, some ranting, it's all here. Listen.

Direct download: Season_Preview.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:56am CST

Parker was in Florida. The guys talked about the Mike Pelfrey pout session as well as some of the Twins roster moves. 

Direct download: Parker_in_Florida.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:57am CST

Parker & Dan previewed the Twins season with some over/unders. Will Joe Mauer ever be Joe Mauer again? How many starts will Mike Pelfrey get this year? How much should one actually hate Christian Laettner? 

Direct download: Twins_OverUnders.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:45am CST

Parker & Dan got together at JL Beers for their usual shenanigans. Lotta Twins & Vikings talk, with some youth softball tryouts mixed in. 

Direct download: insert_title_here.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 4:41pm CST

@sethtweets joined the guys to talk about the top prospects in the Twins organization and preview his time at spring training.

Direct download: Upper_Decking_Yourself.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:52am CST

The guys got together after a week off to discuss their new kids. Dan compared being a dad to driving with a hangover. They talked about the complete lack of interesting things going on now that spring training has started. Then they broke down the return of KG to the Twin Cities and what it means for all of us. 

Direct download: Return_from_Paternity_Leave.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 4:55pm CST

The guys took a trip to JL Beers to talk with Twins beat writer Rhett Bollinger about his upcoming trip to Fort Myers for spring training. Topics include;

-the battle for 5th starter

-who starts the season at SS?

-will Hicks finally takeover CF?

Then they dug deep on Little League baseball and crazy things Charles Barkley says. 

Direct download: Spring_Training_Preview_w_Rhett_Bollinger.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:23pm CST

New dad Parker talked about having another kid and got Dan ready for his turn. The guys broke down Al Michaels' recent comments about extra noise being pumped in at the Dome in the 87 World Series. They previewed spring training a little and talked about getting your kids vaccinated. Really in depth stuff. 

Direct download: Ive_Got_Something_Al_Can_Pump....m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:52am CST

AJ Pettersen makes his triumphant return to peel back the curtain on minor league life. He teaches us all how to survive on $5 a day. Listen up. 

Direct download: AJ_Pettersen_talks_Minor_League_life.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:11am CST

New sponsor JL Beers hosted the guys as they discussed the latest #hotsportstakes. Twins, Vikings, Timberwolves. Listen up.

Direct download: Sunday__JL_Beers.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:30pm CST

The guys got pretty hungover and talked about the Twins Daily Winter Meltdown. The decided whether or not robot umpires were the way to go. Johnny Manziel's name came up, and Dan admitted to being the worst high school quarterback ever. 

Direct download: Twins_Daily_Winter_Meltdown_Review.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 9:57pm CST

The guys got together at Christos in Minnetonka to do some over/unders on the recent ZiPS projections for the Twins. They dug deep on some Teddy Bridgewater projections and decided that Rick Spielman was most decidedly not deserving of any kind of glowing job review. 

Direct download: Parkers_Birthday_Hangover.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 8:14pm CST

FSN host Marney Gellner joined us to talk Twins, Timberwolves, and life in the local media. Her kids made an appearance as well and we made some predictions for the National Championship Game. 

Direct download: Twins_Talk_w_Marney_Gellner.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:25pm CST

The guys got together to recap and preview. How do we feel about the Gopher Football season? Meh. Also...the guys are pretty sure they convinced 96.3 KTWN to change formats. What else can they change?Patrick Reusse thinks the local media is too soft. We try to fix that. Twins, Vikings, Hockey, etc. Listen here. 


Direct download: Tornado_Mauer.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 8:52pm CST

Parker and Dan talked about the Phil Hughes contract extension (whaa?) and the Twins signing Tim Stauffer (yawn). They recapped the local year in sports and decided that everything kinda sucked. Dan's best and worst bar experiences of 2014 happened at the same place, less than 12 hours apart, both because of Parker. 

Direct download: 2014_Year_in_Review.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 7:39pm CST

The boys kicked off their first ever holiday episode by discussing the Twins centerfield situation, just like in the Bible. Then they had the Airing of the Grievances:

Norv, Snapchat, Hockey, Wisconsin, Refs.

#hottakes aplenty. 

Direct download: Festivus_Episode.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 7:46pm CST

The guys talked about the Ervin Santana signing and everything that went on at the Winter Meetings. Other topics include:




Torii Hunter's defense


Timberwolves, for a minute

Lying to your children during the holidays



Direct download: Baseball_Winter_Meetings_Recap.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:20pm CST

Star Tribune beat writer Amelia Rayno joined to talk Twins, Gophers, sports, food, etc.  

Direct download: Rayno_Talks_BaseballBasketball.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 3:54pm CST

Former Twins pitcher Cole De Vries joined the show to talk about his time with the team. He talked about his time in the minor leagues, his call up and his time with the Twins. Then the guys went solo and talked about Gopher football and the new Star Wars trailer. 

Direct download: Cole_De_Vries.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:47am CST

Parker and Dan got to talk about baseball again. The Twins made some moves this week, hiring a pitching coach and (maybe?) signing a Korean import pitcher. They also were in the rumor mill for their interest in some aging veterans. The guys broke it all down. 

Other topics:

-Gopher football plays Bucky in a game that matters. We are all going to rage on Saturday

-Analyzing the Vikings latest humilating failure

-Parker was battling the flu. 

Direct download: Baseball_Things.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 9:26pm CST

Parker & Dan chatted with returning guest and Minneapolis socialite Lindsay Guentzel about the horrible sports weekend. 

Other topics include:


Dating apps

Pain killers

Dan's dogs

Good episode. Lindsay might be to No Juice what Joan Rivers was to Johnny Carson. Eventually banned for life. 


Direct download: Guentzel.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 7:40pm CST

Short episode this week. Parker & Dan talked about what Paul Molitor will bring to the Twins, including his baserunning acumen.

Direct download: Brian_Dozier_is_a_helluva_baserunner.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 4:44am CST

The worst kept secret in the world became official as the Twins hired Paul Molitor. Parker and Dan had some hot takes on the matter. They also talked about the Gopher basektball team and the Ricky Rubio signing for a few minutes. Parker's daughter recorded a new intro. Thanks Avery. 

Direct download: Molitor_Hired.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:30am CST

Dan & Parker met up with Twins President Dave St. Peter to discuss the state of the team and the manager search. Excelsior Brewing Company hosted the show and owner John Klick gave us a peek into the state of craft brewing in Minnesota.

Direct download: Dave_St._Peter.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 7:13pm CST

The boys had a few guests to talk hockey. Hans Van Slooten of and Aaron Lapensky from joined to talk hockey analytics and what the expectations should be for the local hockey team. Other topics include:

Percy Harvin





Not hockey.

Hour 1, hockey. Hour 2, not hockey


Direct download: Hockey_Preview.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 5:57pm CST

Parker & Dan were joined by frequent contributor Jordan Johnson to discuss:

The Vikings loss to Detroit and how awful Mike Goldberg was at describing it

Blacking out at the Gopher game


Parker's interview with Terry Ryan

The Twins Managerial search.

etc. and so on. 

Direct download: Vikings_L_Terry_Ryan_Interview.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 9:53pm CST

Station 280 was nice enough to host us. Special guests @lindsayguentzel and @apettersen1 helped us sort out the recent Twins moves. They had a name dropping contest. We could not keep up. Then we complained about the Vikings. This was a fun one. 

Direct download: Goodbye_Gardy_Hello______..m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 8:09pm CST

The Twins just finished another craptastic season, so Parker and Dan recapped the good/bad/ugly of it all and talked about what the future may hold.

Direct download: Twins_Season_Wrap_Up.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 7:38pm CST

The guys talked about Teddy Bridgewater's debut vs. the Saints. They talked about the possibility that Matt Kalil is a bust. They rehashed the '09 NFC Title Game if anyone was in the mood for a kick in the stomach. Twins topics included Santana, Vargas and gardenhire. Dan went on a trip to Fargo and tailgated his ass off. Twins, Vikings, North Dakota...they really covered it all. 

Direct download: Vikings_Game_3._Teddy_Time..m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:50pm CST

Parker and Dan discussed a weird sports week. Twins, Vikings, parenting. Trevor May pitched well just like Parker said he would. The Vikings lost just like everyone thought they would. 

Direct download: Vikings_Game_2.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:34pm CST

Parker and Dan recapped the Vikings first win of the season. They looked at the Twins and wondered what they were doing. They talked about rock songs from 1996 and being a Minnesota fan in 2009. 

Direct download: Vikings_Opener.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 8:41pm CST

The guys wrapped up their summers by discussing Twins September call ups. They discussed the Vikings and had some predicitons. Closest thing to a normal podcast as we've had in weeks. 

Direct download: Labor_Day.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 8:26pm CST

Special guests Tim Rollwagon and Jordan Johnson help the guys break down the Touch em All Pub Crawl. Dan went to a concert and got made fun of for it. Vikings talk, Twins talk, some late summer #hotsportstakes. Everyone was super hungover or #stilldrunk. This one....this one got weird. 

Direct download: touchemallpubcrawl_Recap.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 1:36pm CST

Parker and Dan talked about the recent Twins roster moves (May, Correia, Vargas, etc.). They also discussed the first Vikings preseason game. 

Direct download: Twins_Roster_Moves.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 7:17am CST

The guys went to Mankato to watch football practice. They talked Twins trades, Glen Perkins, Teddy Bridgewater, the bar scene in Mankato, Varsity Blues, and some other random stuff. 

Direct download: Vikings_Training_Camp.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:24am CST

The guys started the show with some big news. Then they talked Twins for a few minutes before getting really frustrated. They took a strong anti-abuse stance and talked about what a ridiculous week it was in the sports world. 

Direct download: Big_Announcements.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 9:01pm CST

Parker & Dan got together to discuss candidates to get moved at the trade deadline. They talked about how Twins minor leaguer Nick Gordon is adjusting to life as a pro baseball player. They talked Vikings, cheese, music, etc. Guest free for the first time this month. 

Direct download: Trade_Deadline._Sell._My_God_Sell._.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:15am CST

Darren Wolfson was kind enough to sit down with the guys on the night of the Lebron James decision and talk about what he expects the Timberwolves to do over the summer. He had some info on the Twins line of thinking heading into the trade deadline. Afterwards, the guys talked about the All Star game and Home Run Derby and talked some TV. Thanks to Darren for his time. He's a pro. 

Direct download: Darren_Wolfson.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 10:50am CST

The guys had themselves a guest. Aaron Gleeman joined to talk about his career and how to make it in America as a blogger. They got real nerdy and talked analytics. Then they talked about strippers and baseball hats. A little something for everyone. Happy Birthday, America.

Direct download: Gleeman.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 11:16pm CST

Parker & Dan got together to talk about thew Twins losing streak, the fiasco in the outfield, and who Jorge Polanco's career has started off like. They discussed soccer and World Cup trolling. Then they had the Idea to End All Ideas when they came up with a Kickstarter campaign. Listen, enjoy. 

Direct download: Kickstarter_Project.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 6:59pm CST

The guys got together to discuss their brand new logo. Parker described a hellish family vacation on the North Shore. They also pondered whether or not Kyle Gibson was becoming an "ace" (spoiler: who knows) and whether or not the Twins have peaked (spoiler: who knows). Parker let Dan talk about soccer for 10 minutes (spoiler: Parker still doesn't like soccer) and the guys wished a fond farewell to Tony Gwynn (spoiler: damn he was good). 

Direct download: New_Logo.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 10:14pm CST

Dan returned from his baseball assignment honeymoon and shared his experience at the Twin Dominican Baseball Academy. The guys talked about the Kendrys Morales signing and all of its repercussions. They also talked about Tom Kelly. Dan claimed to know how to read. It felt good to get back to talking baseball. 

Direct download: Dans_Dominican_Adventure.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 3:08pm CST

Since the last podcast, Dan fell in a lake and became semi-internet famous. Parker took the lead and interviewed him 3 minutes after falling off the pier. They talk about the nature of media. They encourage the world to never read the comment section of anything ever. Then they dive head first into the MLB draft and a few Twins prospects. 

Direct download: Wedding_Recap.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 10:09pm CST

The guys worked on a holiday. They previewed Dan's wedding, talked about Aaron Hicks giving up his left handed bat, and continued their wait for Byron Buxton. Dan made a foolish bet that he instantly regretted. 

Direct download: Memorial_Day1.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 8:21pm CST

Parker and Dan took a trip to Target Field to take in social media night. They talked to Twins social media coordinator Keith Beise and discussed the week in Minnesota baseball. They also answered listener questions. 

Direct download: Field_Trip.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 7:57pm CST

Dan has meltdown about the Vikings. Parker cares very little. The guys also talk about the local baseball team and their interesting roster moves. 

Direct download: 58.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 11:24pm CST

Dan and Parker meet for the 3rd time this week to talk tap v. bottled beer, Pelfrey and some hard core Twins nerdery, overrated rock songs, and answer your twitter questions. 

Direct download: 51.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 5:37am CST

With the weather being terrible this week, Parker's dad discusses how many shits anyone gave about the Metrodome when it opened. He talks about Twins, Vikings and the Old Met. Lotta perspective here, folks. 

Direct download: old_blue.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 9:31pm CST

Dan and Parker had some beer, blamed people for stupid things, talked some Twins, and answered some questions. 

Direct download: Blame_the_Housewives.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 8:32pm CST

The guys discuss their brand new podcast name, Jason Bartlett's retirement, Stats v. Ball guys, top-down trolling and answer some twitter questions. It was a big day for them. 

Direct download: I_Can_Do_Cursive.m4a
Category:Sports -- posted at: 7:54pm CST